Anonymous asked:
well one time when and a female friend where messing around and we had a a few beer(read to many) we started to mess around and we started doing a 69 and after that we just started going at it like rabbits but what was the worst about it she had started her period that night so my mouth, my cock, and my bed looked like i had murdered someone.
Filed under 69 period blood
Anonymous asked:
whiskey fueled hangs outs with my foxy roommate (at the time) and her friend turn into the beginnings of an exceptionally promising threesome. there's some smooching, gropin', and sexin' with little of the much and appropriately feared favoritism that can occur in threesomes. unfortunately, we take a break to smoke cigarettes and our guest accidrunkenly burns his dick, putting himself totally out of commission for the remainder of the evening's activities. he tries to get back in the game but the pain is too great. so he falls asleep && my roommate and i have a successful twosome.
Filed under whiskey threesome cigarettes dick burn
I GOT HOOKD UP W A MASSAGE THERAPIST BUT WEN I LAYED ON MY STOMACH READY2 B RUBBD THE FUCKN WEIRDO STARTD TOSSING MY SALAD . IT WAS COO 4 A MIN TIL MY MAN KNOCKD AT THE DOOR N THE MASSAGE THERAPIST REFUSED 2 REMOVE HIS TONGUE FROM MY ASSHOLE I WAS LMAO
.Embarrassment-the shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made public…
.Breakfast casserole-a casserole in which you consume in the morning… dumbass.
.Excrement-wastematter discharged from the bowels…
You will need a casserole dish- A friend of mine, who will remain nameless <ezekial> for this specific venture into extremities, disgust, and general perversion, came into an understanding of the inner beauty, horror of his soon to be ex-lover on a very bright and somewhat serene afternoon. take a 1/4 loaf of “day old bread” and crumble to desired sizes andf place in said casserole dish. Just like any other sunny Spring afternoon, the birds wouldnt shut the fuck up with their incessant chirping, stray dogs knocking over the trash cans of the elderly and the utter stoning and corruption of our minds. Whisk 8 eggs and pour over bread. It was an appartment, 1 bedroom <the whereabouts of said person who will not be named <ezekial>; and i in the common room enjoying a nicely rolled and very skunky <illegal>. Add 2 cups of anything ya want over the top and mix all together. Suddenly “Hey, ‘my name here’, I need a Fucking towel- sidenote, dont fuck towels.- Hurry up goddamnit.” I hear crying and cursing from behind the shittily manufactured ‘cardboard’ door. Sprinkle 1 cup of your favorite cheese on top and set in oven on 350 for about 30-45 minutes. you will be able ta smell it coming to fruition. So as a good friend, i rush to he who cannot be named <ezekial> with towel in hand, swinging the door to his small, barren room open. I will never forget what i saw… the image scarred into my brain. a young women who we will not describe nor name for her social and self respect, some people care about that sort of thing, she, bent over the edge of a matress hurrying to cover her excrement covered hindside. And Poor him <ezekial>, his crotch and abdomin dripping as well, became furious at the site of the site i have stumbled in upon. Maybe i should have left the towel by the door…? Take out of oven cut and enjoy while its still hot.
Filed under breakfast casserole poop excrement walk-ins recipe room mate submission
One time, this girl stabbed me in the leg with some moustache trimming scissors and started drinking my blood. So I stabbed her with my johnson, all the while she was digging so hard into my back that I bled and had to sleep in the bathtub in cold water. My housemates admitted to watching through a hole in the door.
Filed under blood stabbing vampires voyeurs moustache scissors
“My name is Melora, and this one time I had hooked up with a very intelligent, cute, and funny guy. We were asleep in his bed and I woke up with an AWFUL hangover. I realized that the bed was wet, AND SO WAS I! I had peed the bed in my drunken sleep. I woke him up and blamed the whole thing on him…then left in a hurry!”
Filed under hangovers bed wetting pee blame
Hahaha… :O I’ll wait a day or two and post some stuff…even though you can post directly to this page.
Hilarious so far
